Teenager Issue

Teens are sometimes under a lot of pressure to perform well at school, and this can lead to anxiety and tension.

That's the bad news. The good news is that young people, on the whole, are getting better results year on year.

Year ten (ages 14-15) is seen by many as a watershed. If your teen gets through this year and is still motivated, enthusiastic and working well, she's more than likely to continue doing well.

For others, this is when difficulties and problems emerge.

Switching off

Some teenagers go off specific subjects; others go off school generally. If your child's struggling, you'll need to know exactly what it is she's struggling with.

If the trouble is with specific subjects, it may be she's fallen out with the teacher, is having difficulties with a part of the curriculum, or is just feeling she just can't do it.

Your teen may need help (if you know the subject, that's great; if you don't, there are lots of books available to help you get up to speed), or simply some encouragement.

How to help

If you get on well with your child, talk a lot and still enjoy each other's company, most problems will be relatively easy to overcome.

If, on the other hand, you can't discuss anything contentious without it turning into an argument, you might not be the best person to tackle the problem. Ask for help from someone your child likes and trusts, such as a teacher, relative or neighbour.

This is no time for pride, guilt or torture - the quicker the problem's resolved, the sooner your teenager can get back to her studies and you can stop worrying.

Teenagers who reject school

There are three main reasons why children skip school:

• Something's going on, such as bullying, that makes them reluctant to attend
• They're not coping with their subjects or they're not being stretched enough
• Emotional worries make school seem irrelevant

Exclusion and expulsion

Schools have the right to exclude a young person who's been in serious trouble. In most cases this is for a fixed period, such as three or five days.

The school must always phone parents, then follow up with a letter if a child is to be excluded. Letters should also be sent to the local education authority to explain why the school has enforced the exclusion.

Remember these points:

• Parents have the right to appeal to the head teacher and governors if they don't think exclusion is fair.
• A temporarily excluded child isn't allowed on the school premises and should be given school work to do at home.
• Permanent exclusion - expulsion - is a last resort and is likely to follow a number of fixed exclusions. A discipline committee should meet to discuss the decision. If it agrees to the permanent exclusion, you have 15 days in which to appeal.

We’ve come a long way from the days of “kids will be kids” or perhaps it would be more accurate to say we’ve come a long way since the days when parents were parents. There is an increasing amount of children who are ruling the roost these days. The most frightening aspect of these domineering children is their age. We’re not talking teens or even tweens. Some of these kids are barely of school age. These tiny terrors are wrecking havoc. The question is why are the parents rejecting discipline in favor of outright defiance?

It is a sad state to see parents begging children to behave. Some children are even physically striking back at their parents. Even if parents are willing to tolerate certain unacceptable behavior this is where they need to draw the line. Why are parents refusing to act like parents? In an age where expectant parents read tons of books about parenting and even attend parenting classes they still lack parenting skills. It seems like the more they strive to be better parents the more they come up lacking.

Parenting includes taking on the role of disciplinarian. More parents need to realize that. Disciplining your children doesn’t mean you don’t love them. In fact, it is just the opposite. You love your child but you must realize that children need discipline. Children can’t be allowed to run wild without any guidance. Children need to be disciplined for their own protection. If a child is allowed to play with matches, lighters or around a hot stove the chances are that he’s going to get burnt. If a child is not disciplined for hitting other children the other children may start to hit him back. If a child goes around kicking the family dog eventually the dog may bite him. Children have to be taught that behavior such as this is unacceptable.

Parents often add to behavior problems in children. I’ve heard parents make comments that are completely wrong in situations such as those mentioned above. “Look, he’s no wimp. He knows how to handle himself already,” was the comment one father made when his three-year-old son walked up and pushed another child to the ground for no reason whatsoever. “Isn’t that cute? He’s only two and already he’s got the dog listening to him,” is the comment one mother made when her toddler kicked the dog and then slapped it on the head even though the dog was lying down and not bothering anyone. Actions such as these are not cute nor should they be tolerated let alone encouraged. Maybe the parents themselves need some discipline since their way of thinking seems to be rather juvenile.

Discipline is a necessary part of effective parenting. Parents often feel that their child won’t love them if they discipline the child. But what they don’t realize is that discipline is a form of love. You discipline your child because you love him. Disciplining your child shows that you care. Of course, children don’t see it that way but in time they will. We discipline our children because they are unaware of many dangers that the world holds. They are not yet able to discern the difference between good and bad. They have feelings and emotions that they do not understand and do not know how to express appropriately. It is important that we acknowledge their feelings but we also need to provide them with guidance to be able to properly channel their emotions.

Don’t be afraid to discipline your child. Discipline does not have to mean physical punishment. You can discipline your child by setting rules, providing guidance, letting your child know what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

To assist parents increase the level, and improve the quality, of their verbal interactions with their children, here are a few suggestions.

• Keep a paper and a pencil handy and make notes of the things you hear your children talking about or expressing interest in. When you hear them discussing to their friends or to one another, make note of the things they spoke about. The topics they bring up on their own and spend time talking about provide you with the best clues available about what is of interest to them.

• Talk to your children in a very natural way. Make sure it doesn’t come across as a formal discussion.
• Don’t try to be too “hip” as you talk to children. Avoid the use of terms and language the kids use. Use terms that are most familiar to you and the most characteristic of you, but which the kids understand. Kids don’t like it when their parents try to talk like kids.

• Watch for signs that tell you you’ve talked long enough. Ordinarily, conversations with children about “just things” don’t usually last very long. For that matter, kids don’t typically spend very long talking with their friends about such things. They bounce around from topic to topic, and thing to thing, never spending much time on anything or going into much depth

• Keep the conversation dignified. Avoid gossip, profanity, off-color jokes, or turns-of-phrase that compromise your adult level of dignity and civility. Remain a cut above “just one of the guys.” Children want their parents to have class. They want their parents to be someone to look up to. The quality of your conversations with them can go a long way in establishing that image of you in your children’s eyes. An occasional, appropriate joke is a very good thing. While the family is gathered around the dinner table is a wonderful time to share a good joke and bring a little humor into the family.

• Avoid ethnic jokes or any kind of joke or story that puts another person or another people down or that evokes humor at the expense of someone else. Maintain your dignity as an adult by showing respect for other cultures. Children really appreciate that.

• Regarding jokes, appropriate, clean humor is a characteristic of low-risk families. In such families there is a lot of smiling, laughing and lots of happy times. Come to the dinner table every night with a couple of good jokes.
Children who learn good verbal skills are more likely to also have good social skills.

Teens misbehave in order to express their physical, social or emotional needs which are not being met. Unlike adults, the teens are not in a stable mental establishment. They are undergoing constant evolution both on the physical and the mental plane. With reference to the Gesell Chart, they are moving from one developmental stage to the other as they deal with the respective stressors of that particular stage. They misbehave so as to let the adults know that they require their attention.

The misbehavior further increases when the environment loses its predictability. When factors like food, sleep, emotional or the intellectual stimulation is either insufficient or over-sufficient, the trouble in the teen behavior gets expressed. If the adolescent happens to be individually dealing with a conflict, an unsafe or chaotic neighborhood, a loss in the family or academic challenges, he or she is more prone to react with a negative behavior. The situation is even worse in a poor family where the parents are not equipped with necessary resources to bail them out.

This calls for a bit of introspection on the part of the parents regarding the reason they apprehend as the cause of the misbehavior. It can be that the teen is confused, hungry, scared, angry, feeling unloved or uncomfortable. Take this common instance where the adolescent misbehaves specially during vacations. Here, basically the child is over stimulated and seeks a method to vent his energy out and is not finding any appropriate option. An earnest introspection would provide alternatives which will help the parent to eliminate the said behavior.

Perhaps the most common cause of misbehavior is the feeling of being overlooked. Every child has an aggressive desire to feel loved. Teens always tend to seek the assurance that they are an important part of their parent’s lives. This craving for love and attention in turn helps them to effectively develop their self-esteem. They feel equipped to face the world. Majority of the troubled teens are found to lack the fulfillment of this important aspect of their desire.

When a teen feels discouraged, it is due to this lack of love or attention. As growing adults they tend to fluctuate from their desired sources of attention. As a child, it is always the parents and as they grow up, they begin to expect it from peers and groups too. Then at different moments they again want to come back to their parents. This sense of belonging measure up their lack of self esteem and soothes their troubled minds to a great extent.

Remember the old adage ‘Actions speak louder than words’? Well, it is perfectly applicable in this context. While parenting teens, the parent need to effectively monitor their influence or impact that has a direct correlation with their child.

Children always take cue for their behavior from what they actually see. We have a common habit of instructing our children to do something while following a different set of rules ourselves. And then if you blurt that ‘do as I say and not what I do’, it will have a negligible impact. If you promote such a practice, one day you shall surely get to hear something of this sort, ‘what is wrong if I smoke pot, my parents get stoned on alcohol every night’!

While dealing with a troubled teen, the parents need to supervise as they guide. When you find your teen misbehaving in spite of the responsibilities and the privileges that you have provided them with, you ought to understand that are unconsciously seeking directives to apprehend the limitations of their limitations and behavior. It is here that you are required to assure them with moderate and selective guidance. It is a delicate situation and your reasonable attitude will prevent an unfortunate breakdown of communication.

A troubled teen is already confused. So do not screw up the situation further by being ambivalent or partially expressive. Spell out through words and action regarding what is exactly expected of them. Encourage and appreciate their participation in the family’s decision making. This will help them in learning to realize and welcome responsibility and the necessity of accountability.

At the same time you are also required not to intrude your teen’s individuality and independence. Do not enforce your ideas, rather adopt the position of a watchful friendly bystander, who is always ready to offer help and advice but when required.
Another important aspect that one ought to remember while parenting that one should never over-react.

Parents often have this preconceived notion that their child’s adolescent period is an arduous struggle. They seem to brace up for an onslaught. This sort of attitude takes the ease out of the environment. A cool and calm attitude will not only make your child comfortable but also help you to assess their behavior with a more rational outlook. It will reduce the tendency of the parents to self-assert and draw effective trust and confidence from the teenager. This will of course ease up communication and a healthy parent-child relationship.

Once you have confirmed that your child is a troubled teen, what is the next step you should take? It is important to accept the fact that you might not be able to help your child without professional help.

Try considering the following measures:
1. Consult your teenager’s doctor –The first measure is to get a physical check up done in order to detect if there are any physical problems connected to health. Get an appointment with the doctor immediately, without delay. Hormonal changes in the body may be the main reason for all problems. Thus consulting the doctor is utmost important.

2. Consult the guidance counselor at school – Though she might not be in a position to provide the child a one-on-one counseling service, she can be of great help by telling you about the attitude and the troubling behavior of the child that the teachers and the other staff members might have taken note of. This can be of great help in finding out the child’s moods and behavior when away from home.

3. Consult a professional counselor and look for proper counseling-If you don’t know whom to approach and whom to contact, consult your pediatrician or your school’s counselor to help in contacting and providing names of recommended counselors and psychiatrists.

4. Treatment and curing centers – The counselor, therapist or psychiatrist that you may consult may feel that your teenager is too troubled and her behavior is too troubling to treat as an outpatient. In such a situation you will have to commit your teen in a treatment centre for a time period suggested by the doctors and consultants in the centre.

5. Communicate – Communicating with your child may be very difficult at this phase of their life, you need to make an intensive and determined effort to keep the lines of communication open as much as possible. This will help them to converse without hesitation. You should encourage more time to be spending with family. Go out with them. Give them your time. Show that you care. Show them that you are there beside them to love and support them. Encourage them to invite their friends for lunch or dinner. Search for new hobbies that you and your child can enjoy together.

Professional help and good communication can help your teen in this phase of life. Being a parent, you need to understand your child and give them all the love, care and support.

Eating disorders are a mental illness. They can affect women and men of all age groups, from a range of backgrounds and from different cultures. Despite an increase in the incidence and understanding of eating disorders, many people live with these disorders for a long time without treatment or a clinical diagnosis.

Female adolescents and young women are most commonly affected, but men can be also be affected by eating disorders. It is estimated that approximately one in every 100 adolescent girls will develop anorexia nervosa and approximately five in 100 adolescent girls develop bulimia.

Signs and symptoms
Some habits and behaviours are common to people with eating disorders. They include:

• Weight loss or weight change, usually due to dieting, but sometimes from an illness or stressful situation.
• Preoccupation with body appearance or weight.
• Loss or disturbance of menstrual periods in females.
• Sensitivity to cold.
• Faintness, dizziness and fatigue.
• Increased mood changes and irritability.
• Social withdrawal.
• Anxiety and depression.
• Inability to think rationally or concentrate.
• Increased interest in preparing food for others.
• Obsessive rituals, like only drinking out of a certain cup.
• Wearing baggy clothes or changes in clothing style.
• Excessive or fluctuating exercise patterns.
• Avoidance of social situations involving food.
• Frequent excuses not to eat.
• Disappearance of large amounts of food.
• Trips to the bathroom after meals.
• Dieting.

• Media and other presentations of the ‘ideal’ shape as slim and fit.
• Mixed messages about health and fast food.
• Pressure to achieve and succeed.
• Occupations or pursuits with an emphasis on body shape and size – for example, modeling or gymnastics.

• Major life changes or events such as adolescence, relationship breakdowns, childbirth, the death of a loved one, or the accumulation of many minor stressors.
• Fear of the responsibilities of adulthood.
• A belief that love is dependent on high achievement.
• Poor communication between family members.

• Adolescence and its associated physical changes.
• Genetic or familial factors.

• Be honest and open about your concerns.
• Use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. For example, ‘I am concerned for you because I have noticed you are not so happy at the moment’ rather than, ‘You aren’t happy at the moment’.
• Focus on the person’s behavioural changes, rather than their weight, food consumption or physical appearance.
• Try to take the focus off food and weight. The person with the eating disorder is already likely to be excessively focused on food and weight issues.
• Mealtimes should not be a battleground. Frustrations and emotions need to be expressed but not at mealtimes, which are already likely to be difficult.
• Do things as you usually would. The person with the eating disorder needs to learn to co-exist with food and other people, rather than others learning to co-exist with the eating disorder.

1. Clear communication is a must. Be clear about the responsibility you want completed.
2. Explain to your teenager that taking on responsibilities leads to learning self-confidence. It also helps you know that your teen is capable of handling responsibility and therefore, may lead to more priviledges.
3. If the task is a multi-part task, write out the directions on how to get it done. For example, if you want the bathroom cleaned list what needs cleaned and what to cleaner to use.
4. Allow your teen to do the task independently. Do not stand over him/her.
5. Go back and check that your teen has completed the responsibility to your satisfaction.
6. If your teen has completed the task to your satisfaction, thank him/her. Do this every time the task is completed correctly.
7. If your teen has not completed the task to your satisfaction, explain what needs to be done to get it right and ask that he/she try again next time. Check step #3 and repeat step #4 through step #7 next time.

How do you create a drug-free environment for your children? Here are a few tips:

• Stay engaged with your teenager's life,
• Listen to your teenager,
• Keep track of what they are doing and when,
• Get to know your teen's friends and their parents,
• If a teenage party is planned, call the parents for details,
• Make sure your kids are rewarded for good behaviour,
• Encourage open and honest communication between parent and child.

When your teenage child is going out, ask them questions, such as the following:

• Who are they going to be with?
• What will they be doing?
• How long will they be out for?
• and, where are they going to be?

Talk to your kids about the importance of honest communication, and if they say they are going to be somewhere doing something, you expect them to be telling you the truth.

Remember being a teenager right after school when everyone would get together and socialize before going home? This critical time of the day, from 3 to 6 pm, is often when drug use happens. There are several things you can do to try and deal with this very influential period of the day:

• Make an effort to be with your teens at that time, if possible,
• Try to have a positive influence present (an adult or trusted friends) watching over them or being active with them,
• See that they're engaged in extra-curricular activities that interest them such as sports, jobs, clubs, after-school programs or groups that you know of and can trust.

Set Boundaries

Expectations

Setting expectations is a skill that requires practice as a parent. It's important on this issue to be consistent and clear that you will not allow any illicit drug use in your house at an early age, because when young people enter high school, their risk of drug use can be greater if expectations have not been clearly outlined.

Rules

Sure, your teenage children are spending less time with you as they grow older. This is even more reason to continue to set rules around drug use. Ensuring this message stays consistent will help your teenager resist pressures to use drugs as they move into their later teenage years. Rules are more likely to be effective if your teenager is involved in determining the rules with you as a parent, rather than just having the rules imposed on them.

Consequences

There are a number of standardized tests available to professionals that can help parents identify issues with alcohol or drugs as well as mental health issues:

Personal Experience Screening Questionnaire (PESQ)
Short, inexpensive self-report questionnaire identifies teenagers who should be referred for a complete chemical dependency evaluation.

Adolescent Alcohol Involvement Scale (AAIS)
Fourteen items are designed to identify adolescents with a drinking problem. Assesses level of use and impact by measuring psychological functioning, social relations, and family living.

Adolescent Diagnostic Interview (ADI)
Assesses psychoactive substance abuse in 12- to 18-year-old children. Evaluates psychosocial stressors, school and interpersonal functioning, and cognitive impairment. Screens for specific problems often associated with substance abuse.

Adolescent Drinking Index (ADI)
Measures severity of drinking problems among adolescents by assessing loss of control of drinking, social indicators of drinking problems, psychological indicators, and physical problems related to drinking. Helps professionals identify adolescents who should be referred for further alcohol evaluation or treatment. Also measures self-medicating problem drinking versus aggressive, rebellious drinking behavior.

Alcohol Use Inventory (AUI)
Twenty-four scales designed to measure alcohol use by older adolescents. Best for teens ages 16 and older.

Chemical Dependency Assessment Profile (CDAP)
A self-report questionnaire that evaluates alcohol use, use of illegal and prescription drugs, and abuse of multiple substances. Assesses history and patterns of use as well as personal beliefs and expectations related to drug and alcohol use. Also assesses self-concept and attitude toward treatment. Best for adolescents age 16 or older.

Perceived Benefit of Drinking Scale (PBDS)
Attitude impacts substance use. This test assesses reasons for drinking and drug use, frequency, perceived and actual consequences vs. benefits of use, as well as alcohol use by peer group and family members.

Problem Oriented Screening Instrument for Teenagers (POSIT)
The POSIT is a brief yes/no-answer screening tool that can help professionals identify problems and the potential need for intervention. Assesses substance use/abuse, mental and physical health, family and peer relations, vocation, and special education.

Rutgers Alcohol Problem Index (RAPI)
A 23-item self-administered screening tool to assess adolescent problem drinking. The advantages of this screening tool lie in its ease of administration and its standardization, which make it possible to compare problem drinking scores across groups.

Teen-Addiction Severity Index (T-ASI)
The T-ASI is a semistructured interview that was developed to fill the need for a reliable, valid, and standardized instrument for a periodic evaluation of adolescent substance abuse. Measures such issues as psychoactive substance use, family function, social relationships, and psychiatric status.

Young Adult Alcohol Problems Screening Test (YAAPST)
A 27-item questionnaire to assess lifetime, past-year, and past-year's frequency of negative consequences of alcohol use among college students. The YAAPST assesses both traditional consequences (e.g., hangovers, blackouts, driving while intoxicated) and consequences presumed to occur at higher rates in a college student population (e.g., missing class, damaging property, getting involved in regrettable sexual situations).For older adolescents (college age).

IDENTIFYING ADOLESCENTS AT RISK FOR SUICIDE

If your teen has expressed suicidal intentions, one important thing is to take away the car keys, especially if your teen has been using alcohol or drugs.

If you are not the parent, notify them immediately that you feel the teen is at risk for suicide. This is particularly important if the child has made a previous attempt or has developed a specific plan, or if the teen has recently experienced a trauma (death, school failure, moving to a new town).

Firearms should be immediately removed from the home. If you know other homes your teen frequents have guns (even locked guns), warn the homeowners of the risk.

LEARNING TO LISTEN WITH YOUR "THIRD EAR"

There are always two parts to communication: content and process. Content refers to the words which are spoken, and ideas or feelings that are expressed. Process refers to that which is not said, or to that which is nonverbal--it's the hand gestures, the breathing, the posture and the facial expressions of your teen--it's reading that which is communicated "between the lines." Listen with your eyes as well as your ears; this is what refer to as listening with the third ear.

LEARNING TO LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND

Let your teen overcome his or her natural anxiety about sharing with you. Don't ask too many questions, especially questions that start with the word "why." Listen to understand your teen's feeling or viewpoint, and without ridiculing or refuting. Try not to plan your rebuttal, or your agenda for "setting him straight," while you listen. The teen may well need to be set straight--but not while you are trying to listen. If all a parent wants to do is set the teen straight, it will be most apparent--and an effective conclusion to your teen's willingness to talk with you. Remind yourself: all I am supposed to do right now is make sure that I understand what she is saying.

LEARNING TO CONFIRM YOUR UNDERSTANDING

While your teen talks, nod your head, utter an occasional "umm", or raise your eyebrow periodically. This lets your teen know that you are, indeed, listening. After a few sentences or paragraphs, interrupt and say, "Let me see if I understand what you're saying." Restate what you believe you have heard, and allow the teen to clarify if you have misunderstood something. Up to this point, do not agree or disagree. It is enough to let your teen know that you respect her enough to really listen carefully--carefully enough to really understand.

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR TEEN--BASIC GUIDELINES

When is the "best time" to try to talk with my teen?

Generally, talking is going to be easier when it is your teen's idea. If necessary stop what you are doing and listen without distraction. Don't try to "listen" while doing something else. It is difficult to enthusiastically communicate against one's wishes. Timing is particularly important when the subject is touchy. Let your teen know that you want or expect to talk, but that you are willing to do so later if it facilitates communication.

Researchers have found new evidence showing that parents play a key role in whether or not their adolescent children who experiment with tobacco progress to become daily smokers before they graduate from high school.

A study published on-line and in the September issue of journal Pediatrics shows that parents can be a positive or negative influence on their children’s future smoking habit.

“If parents really don’t want their children to smoke they need to communicate that by establishing clear guidelines in their families about not smoking and discuss them with their school-age children.” said Min Jung Kim, a research scientist with the University of Washington’s Social Development Research Group and lead author of the study.

At the same time, parents can increase their children’s chances of smoking by their own use of tobacco.

“If parents smoke, teens have more access to cigarettes than teens who have non-smoking parents. A second preventive measure for smoking parents is to quit smoking themselves,” said Kim.

The study included 270 adolescents who had begun smoking by the eighth grade but had not advanced to daily smoking at that time. Daily smoking was defined as smoking one cigarette a day for the past 30 days prior to annual interviews. By the time the students were in the 12th grade, 156, or 58 percent, had become daily smokers.

The children in the study were 51 percent male and 85 percent white. They were drawn from a larger study looking at the development of healthy and problem behaviors among children at 10 suburban schools in the Pacific Northwest. Information about their smoking habits was collected during annual interviews from the seventh through 12th grades.

Aside from parenting and parental tobacco use, other factors that predicted teen smoking were having friends who smoked and involvement in other problems behaviors such as skipping school, getting into fights and engaging in vandalism.

Kim said most smoking prevention programs to not directly address the role of parental smoking or the link between anti-social behavior and smoking, which commonly occur together.

“Parents need to know that they are still important and can make their children feel good when they do something right and also know that there are consequences when they do something wrong. Many parents think adolescence is the time for children to have their independence. But it is important to maintain good supervision of your teen. Parents who smoke also need to understand that they are modeling behavior and if they quit smoking they send a strong message to their teenager,” said Kim.

She recommends that parents “should not ignore children’s experimental smoking at any age because it put them at great risk of progressing to daily smoking.” To do that, parents should:

• Set and enforce clear guideline about tobacco.
• Monitor to ensure that your children are following your guidelines.
• Know and monitor your children’s friends.
• Provide clear, consistent and positive consequences for following those guidelines and appropriate, consistent negative consequences for violating them.

The Nielsen Company reports teens average 80 texts per day, or 2,272 a month. Inside Facebook reported 5.4 million users between the ages of 13 and 17 were using Facebook in February. According to Myers, parenting and adolescent issues associated with the emergence of technology is the most recent trend of concerns facing the family dynamic.

“Unrestrained access and usage of social networking technology not only opens our kids up to cyber bullying, and unhealthy levels of social involvement, it also gives sexual predators and pornographers a fertile field of young minds to exploit,” said Myers. “Setting down a set of rules, which both the parent and teen can agree to and live by, is essential to guiding families through these potential mine fields.”

Myers has spent more than 25 years counseling teens and parents, including the last seven years through The Timothy Center, a unique counseling practice focusing on helping families find solutions to life’s challenges.

“Parents may not understand or be welcomed into kid’s ‘world beneath,’ but it is incumbent upon them to make every effort to learn as much as they can about it, because this is where teens spend so much of their time,” Myers writes. “Parents of teenagers should proactively keep abreast of teen culture because this knowledge offers a window into their child’s heart, mind and driving interests.”

Myers offers practical advice to parents on a variety of teen issues in his new book, “Toe to Toe With Your Teen: A Guide to Successfully Parenting a Defiant Teen Without Giving Up or Giving In,” available now in bookstores nationwide (Regal Books, ISBN 0830749012, $14.99).

It may not be fair, but teens are often called upon to care for a parent. Whether it is due to a short virus, broken limb or long-term illness, there are times that parents can’t do it all on their own and a teen is the most suitable person in the home to lend a helping hand. However, just because you are available to help care for a parent does not mean that caring should become your full-time job. You are still a young person who should be concentrating on your own education and social life, so finding support if you need it is imperative.

Understanding the Situation

Finding Extra Help

Knowing Your Limits

Caring for a parent isn’t easy at any age, but it can be extremely difficult for teens. Not only should teens bear in mind the physical limits of what they can do to help a parent, but the emotional limits as well.